What is so special about you? Why would someone want to talk to you? More importantly (as Keith Ferrazzi points out in Never Eat Alone), why would someone want to talk about you?
It is easy to get stuck in a rut of focusing on the things that make us successful in our work, but our skills are only one part of the equation. Our relationships with others are at least as important as our skills. Building relationships is much easier when you aren’t a one-dimensional person. If all you do is work, you may be very good at your job, but you are drastically limiting your circle of friends. Worse still, you are limiting them to people who are very similar to yourself.
Making the effort to get outside of your comfort zone can be a very good investment. Not only does it make you a more well rounded person, but it also impacts how people view you. I had worked with someone for a few months when I found out that he had gone hang gliding in Brazil. Suddenly he became a much more interesting person, in my mind. How do I know? Because I know that I mentioned this little fact to several other people.
I’m not saying you should do stupid things just to get people to talk about you. (Depending on your point of view, hang-gliding may or may not fall into that category.) But most of us have things we’ve always wanted to do that we just never get around to doing. Part of what holds us back is that we don’t know that these activities are “worth it.” I am suggesting that they probably are worth it because they help make you different than the average person.
Great post!
A fun exercise is to imagine this scenario. There is a person that your best friend knows that you really need to impress (the reason why is up to you). If your friend had one sentance to introduce you, what would they say?
If they would talk about your job, that’s probably no good (with very rare exception). Now, if they could say something like “he just got back from hang gliding in Brazil” or “he set a world record for blanket flogging,” that would be much better.
Note: I have never flogged a blanket, nor would I even know how.
Blanket flogging. Interesting. When I tried to look it up on Google, your comment on this post is the top result, so I guess it isn’t too common.
Nice article Mark. I agree that building relationships are a lot more exciting when the person isn’t one-dimensional. Your example with that person you met who said he went hang gliding in Brazil is a lot more interesting than talking about the weather or the job. If we allow ourselves to be spontaneous, interesting, or open-minded, then it’s more easier to connect with people we don’t know and get them to be more engaged with us.
Of course people can be one-dimensional by having a single interesting thing that they milk for all its worth. :)
Hi Mark… I agree that we should get out of the comfort zone, but I think it is wrong to do it because of other people’s opinions.
Adventure and exit out of the comfort zone may not be interesting to other people. And it can. It depends on the situation.
Frankly, I do not care at all whether it is interesting to others. It is important that I am growing from this experience and that that experience helps me and it is interesting to me. Will others like it, it’s not my interest.
Hey Mark,
I think the other side of being interesting is being prepared for criticism. It’s much safer to skim along on the surface and not raise your head above the masses. But when you become interesting there are at least two sources of criticism. First, the huddled masses where you used to live that are upset that you dare to stick your head out. And second, those who feel you may be stealing the lime light from them.
Don’t take my comments as a reason to stay in the shadows but as an observation of what can happen when you step out into the light.
Regards
Leadership Freak
Dan Rockwell
Recent Blog – Burn your job description
http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2010/02/26/burn-your-job-description/